Devotion
by Kasigi Omi
Summary: Katan's feelings about Rosiel after a hard day. Some lime-y content. Yaoi.


Notes: Rosiel and Katan are not mine. I have only seen the anime, and read about the manga. If something is wrong, I'm sorry, but I like it this way. Katan is soooooo cute! I adore him, and I worship Rosiel-sama. I can see why Katan follows him! Anyway, enjoy. Nothing too graphic.but. a little more graphic than my usual. C&C appreciated.  
  
  
  
Devotion  
  
  
  
The day is bright. Highly unusual for midwinter. The reflection off the snow is painful to look at, yet the pain in my eyes is insignificant compared to the pain in my heart.  
  
A part of me wonders why I ever freed him from where his sister trapped him. Another part already knows. Hope.  
  
Hope that he can save Heaven.  
  
Hope that he would be sane.  
  
Hope that he would love me back.  
  
So far, all of my hopes have been dashed. He is too obsessed with his sister to return to Azuilt. His insanity seems to be his joy, he revels in it. And his heart yearns only for his sister. There is no place for me in it.  
  
I should know better than to indulge in optimism.  
  
Maybe if I stare into the brilliant snow long enough, it will blind me, just like his beauty does. His radiance takes over my mind, obliterates my reason, until all I can do is bow to him and say, "Hai, Rosiel-sama."  
  
There used to be a time that I could stand up for what I believed in. However, it was easier then, because he had the same morals. The same opinions.  
  
He made me a cherub, and raised me. I would, -will-, do anything for him, even if it leads to my own destruction. Or worse, my damnation.  
  
Rosiel-sama is angry today. He made another foray into the city, trying to awaken his sister. Again he was turned away. When he returned, he beat me, then locked himself in his room. I could hear him breaking things at the other end of the building.  
  
He never used to be like this. He was wise, calm, collected, and above all compassionate. He was a good choice for a role model for a young cherub. I loved him dearly.  
  
I love him still. That is what will prove to be my downfall.  
  
I hear the door open behind me, and soft steps moving across the floor. I continue to sit and stare out the window, fearing to turn around, fearing to see his face contorted with rage as he beats me.  
  
Honestly, I don't know what hurts worse. The physical blows, the knowledge that Rosiel-sama is hitting me, abusing me, or knowing that he does it because he cannot be with the one he really loves.  
  
The physical blows are nothing next to the emotional pain.  
  
"Katan." His voice is soft, caring. "Katan, look at me, please."  
  
Never have I refused him. Slowly I turn the chair around and face him. He is beautiful, even with the tear streaks on his cheeks and his mussed hair. I want to hold him so badly. I want to make the pain go away, even if it means giving him up to Alexiel.  
  
When did the protected become the protector?  
  
Yet I remain sitting, watching him. He comes closer, putting his hand on my cheek.  
  
"My dear, Katan," he sighs, stroking my face. "I'm sorry."  
  
Two simple words and I forgive him everything. As if I was actually angry with him in the first place. It is just Rosiel-sama's way.  
  
"I didn't mean to hurt you, my dear cherub," he continues, looking deeply into my eyes. "You were just around when I was angry. You should have known better than to follow me around when I am angry."  
  
As usual, when he apologizes, he still somehow makes it my fault. I wonder what he would ever do if he did something wrong and didn't have a scapegoat to blame. He needn't fear that will ever happen, though. I will always be with him.  
  
"You are right, Rosiel-sama," I acquiesce, bowing my head. "It's just-". I trail off. Was I actually planning to tell him I loved him? No. I must never do that. The rejection would be too complete, too painful. As long as I don't tell him, I can still dream.  
  
"Look at me, Katan," he demands sharply.  
  
Fearing to anger him again when he is already unstable, I look up, only to find his face mere inches from mine. He stares deeply into my eyes, as if reading my soul. Perhaps my secret will get out without me ever telling him.  
  
My eyes widen in utter shock as he suddenly leans in and kisses me. This is a new development. His weight drops onto my lap as he straddles me, deepening the kiss at the same time. The last time he kissed me like this he was trying to give me a pill to turn me into a mindless slave.  
  
Little does he know, I already am one.  
  
He breaks the kiss and whispers against my lips, "Why do you not hold me, Katan? Why do you not kiss me back?"  
  
Silently I wrap my arms around him, pulling him closer to me. I can feel his heart beating against my chest. Then I capture his lips with my own, a long cherished dream coming true.  
  
I know he is merely using me as a substitute. An outlet for his pain, frustration and anger, but I do not care. I love him, and he may use me as he wishes. He created this body after all. Why should he not use it as he wishes?  
  
He stops kissing my lips, and works his way to my neck, occasionally gently nipping the skin. "Do you adore me, Katan?" he breathes in my ear.  
  
I bury my face and hands in his long and silky hair. "Always."  
  
"Do you worship me?"  
  
"I always have."  
  
"Do you love me?" Playfully he nips my earlobe, as his fingers work at my buttons. He's enjoying this as much as I am. I can feel the proof of it digging into my stomach.  
  
"Eternally," I gasp as one of his long fingered hands slips under the fabric of my clothing and trails along my chest.  
  
"Are you mine?"  
  
"Body, heart and soul," I reply honestly.  
  
He brings his lips very close to my ear and whispers, "Then take me to your bed."  
  
Not needing to be asked twice, I stand up, albeit awkwardly as he was still on my lap. He wraps his arms tightly around my neck and his legs lock around my waist.  
  
Sensing the feel of urgency in him, I walk quickly to my room, holding him tightly against me. We reach my room and topple onto the bed.  
  
Our fingers fly, removing articles of clothing that are then tossed haphazardly about the room. I'm sure he'll make me clean up later, but for now, I can't really say I care.  
  
As his lips trail down my bare chest, I stare at the ceiling, trying to memorize all of the events of the night.  
  
The tiny bit of optimism left in me tells me that I can change him. I can use this night to make him love me and forget Alexiel.  
  
But the rest of me realizes this may very well be a one time thing, and I should take this night and enshrine it in my heart and memory. It will have to last me an eternity of cold, lonely nights without him.  
  
I feel a pain between my legs as he enters me, but the feeling of pain is quickly obliterated by the feeling of completeness. Of being whole. Of being one with him.  
  
Soon it will all be over, and the loneliness will be almost unbearable, having once known such..bliss. But I will endure. I have to. I must remain here for him until he himself turns me away, and even then I will still serve him from the shadows.  
  
If he takes me to bed again, I will again savor it. And if he does not, I will have had this night with him.  
  
As our bodies merge and move in time, spiraling into an abyss without thought, without emotion, I silently send him my love. Even as he whispers his sisters name, I whisper my devotion.  
  
For tonight, at least, he is mine. 


End file.
